New Year's resolutions

As we change the calendar to 2007, we come to the time in which we try to change things we don't like about ourselves. While this conceptually is very noble, why do we feel the need to wait until January 1 to do it?

• Want to drop a few lb's? Don't mainline cheeseburgers and ranch dressing through New Year's Eve, then dust off the "Sweatin' to the Oldies" beta max tape you have. Hit that elliptical machine today my portly friend.
• Want career advancement? Trust me, the CEO at FedEx wasn't sitting in his boxers at 3 in the afternoon watching Judge Joe Brown when the phone rang and he got offered the position. Get out there today and start showing people what you are made of and what you have to contribute.
• Want to spend more time with family? Here is a little hint. There are 24 hours in a day, don't spend 18 putting everything else imaginable in front of them. The candle set of the 2 goats eating each others dung that you saw at Pier 1 marked off 70% will still be there tomorrow - trust me.
• Want to lay off the cancer sticks? Don't quit cold turkey on January 1st. Adopt Robin Williams approach from "Good Will Hunting" and "shove them up your ***, you'll live longer". Think about it, the only people that want to be around smokers are other smokers. Even then, interesting how even the smokers themselves have leveled their own form of self-banishment. When I lived in Denver, there was a couple across the street that would stand in front of their own garage at 11:00 at night in 20 degree weather to puff down a couple of heaters. And the comical twist is that they didn't realize that they still smelled like they had washed their clothes in the ashtrays of the local bowling alley.

No one says that this stuff is easy, and realistically, New Year's resolutions are more short lived than a cardiac patient in a bathtub full of plugged in hair dryers. But, change should come at whatever point one feels change is necessary, not because old father time uses that old bony, shriveled finger to turn a page on the calendar.

As for me, there are a couple of these I will try to adopt for myself. But at least if I find myself sitting on the edge of my treadmill with a buttery bowl of popcorn, an empty bottle of Jim Beam and a lit Marlboro red on January 5 hatching a plan to further alienate my friends and family, well, at least I got a head start.

In all seriousness, this is the relaunch of the PCR. My hope is to enlighten, bring a few giggles and just generally get stuff off my chest.

Happy New Year everyone.